Disclaimer...this entry is not at all to say that I'm not absolutely loving every day I spend here in New Zealand. Believe me, I am. However, since I'm still working on the farm in Gisborne, and there's little about that experience that hasn't already been said elsewhere in this blog, I thought it would be cool to comprise a list of American things that New Zealand would do well to have more of. Or, as I call them, 20 things that I really miss from the great US of A:
1. My family, my friends, and my dog
It goes without saying that these stand at the top of any world traveller's list of things they miss from home, and they require no explanation.
2. Texas girls
This, also, requires no explanation
3. American football
You always have to watch games (if you can watch them at all) at really obscure times and on the day following that on which they are normally played back in the States, since New Zealand is 18 hours ahead (e.g. Monday night football is always on Tuesday here). I also grow tired of bar tenders looking at me like I'm totally out of my mind when I ask if they could please put on the AMERICAN football game. Yes, emphasis on American, if you're anywhere besides in the States.
4. College
Absolutely, hands down, the greatest four years of your life.
5. My fraternity brothers
Virtue, diligence, and brotherly love. Damn proud
6. The American accent
This is something I definitely didn't expect to miss, but Kiwis slur their words together like crazy and the way they pronounce some words is absolutely ridiculous. Similarly, the vocabulary they use is sometimes complete nonsense. As a result of all this, you very frequently have to ask locals to repeat themselves two or three times, and every foreigner I've met here has told me that I'm far easier to understand when I speak than the Kiwis are.
7. Internet that isn't dial-up
It's a very rare thing to be able to get internet at all here in New Zealand, and when you do, it's always dial-up. I would say that the internet is easily the worst part about New Zealand...but when internet speed is the biggest problem a country has, I would also say they're doing pretty well (not looking at you, American federal deficit).
8. Cowboy culture & southern hospitality
People helping people, and everything you eat being fried and covered in country gravy. Priceless.
9. Closing times past 8 o'clock
That's only if you're in the few (relatively) big cities here...everywhere else, all the stores close at 4 or 5. It's a funny thing, getting used to buying your beer in the morning.
10. Target, Wal-Mart, and Costco
I know they're evil commercial giants that every day threaten to bury local small businesses, but every price tag I look at in this country brings me to the verge of tears. NOTHING is cheap here. And, in that same vein....
11. Being able to buy a bottle of Jack Daniels for under $100
This is not sarcasm. A handle of JD will run you between 120 and 140 bucks here. And no, that's not the exchange rate...that's blasphemous swindling of innocent people's funds and absolute public indecency. No kind of alcohol fares much better than Jack does, either...there are liquor stores on every corner, and they've all got their hands at the very bottoms of your pockets.
12. Having cell phone reception
Similar to the story with internet, this is a very rare thing here in New Zealand outside of the few bigger cities. Where I am now, there's no cell reception at all, causing all your messages to build up and come flowing in at an alarming rate when you pass by some lucky spot that happens to be close enough to civilization to get reception for a short moment. Then, in an instant, that brief ray of light is gone, and you're left in the communicative darkness of not being able to answer a single one of the messages you've just received. Better just to power the thing off...sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.
13. My English classes and teachers
I never thought I'd say this...but I really do miss school (already). I was very fortunate in the teachers I had throughout my academic experience, and Shakespeare is still my boy. I've been reading obsessively ever since I got here; I've got a whole bag full of books that I've read already (funny how that happens, just as soon as the burden of having to do it is lifted).
14. ESPN
You can find it in a very few places here in New Zealand, but it's a quest akin to that of bearing the ring of power across Middle Earth through all the forces of evil from the Shire to Mordor, and tossing it into the fiery depths therein. Best to just read the articles or watch the play-by-play. (D'oh! There's no internet, either...)
15. Roads being paved
There are plenty of paved roads in New Zealand, but there are also more than plenty unpaved roads with lots of treacherous holes and divots in them. One third of all public roads in New Zealand are unpaved, and those that are put a serious beating on your car (sorry, 20 year old Honda purple wagon named THOR).
16. Chick Fil-A
Despite their many religious quandaries and resulting millions of haters, I, personally, still love and miss them for their delicious chicken.
17. American music festivals
The only places I've ever been where literally everyone is ecstatically happy. While some may point the finger at MDMA, I blame it on the awesome live music. There are some music festivals here in New Zealand, but usually most of the headlining names end up canceling, and you spend hundreds of dollars to watch local bands you could've seen for free at a bar or club.
18. Video games
They're a terrible, completely unproductive guilty pleasure, and the reasons why I came to New Zealand were in no small part to get away from things like video games for awhile. Still, the fact remains that I miss them.
19. My (American) car
90 percent of all the cars here in New Zealand are ancient Japanese imports, and the importation duty you have to pay on any relatively new car from the states or elsewhere is a minimum of $40,000. Also, HEMI engines basically don't exist here. Oh, to go fast again....
20. The amazing state of Colorado
It's as beautiful as New Zealand, and you still get to drive on the right side of the road (yay normality! It's not called the RIGHT side of the road for nothing).
So there you have it, everyone who's been reading this blog and desperately wishing they could be here seeing these beautiful sights of New Zealand for themselves...20 American things you have every cause to be thankful for. While I still think everyone owes it to themselves to get out and see a place like this at least once in their lives, I also think there are those certain awesome things that lead you to call a place home. I'm sure each of our lists would look different, but even still, when you go out into the world a-traveling and seeing grand new sights and meeting friendly new people, there are things that you'd miss and that would eventually draw you back home. Oh, and one more thing I might add to my list that's just as meaningful as the rest...weighing in pounds, measuring in feet, and buying gas in gallons. I know I'll sound terribly American when I say this, but why can't everyone else just think like us? Confound that dastardly metric system...this is, after all, an entry about America!
Signing off from New Zealand, your homesick friend,
Jack
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